


Na via lerno victoria

by Viken2592



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2019-01-08 03:02:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12245799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viken2592/pseuds/Viken2592
Summary: This is a conversation piece between female mage Hawke and Fenris before the events of Hawke's involvement in the Inquisition. I was always frustrated by how Hawke's LI didn't accompany them to Skyhold and to Adamant (with the exception of Anders because of Corypheus' influence on wardens). "Nothing is going to keep me from you" Fenris said to Hawke in the last battle against Orsino and Meredith. So why was Hawke alone when she was introduced to the Inquisitor?There are some truly awesome F!Hawke/Fenris fan fics out there. Some of them describes a Hawke getting pregnant. This has always struck me as unlikely. As the view on sexuality in Thedas is quite liberal, they must know how to avoid pregnancies? This piece is also my way of dealing with this issue.





	Na via lerno victoria

That night at the inn, Hawke brew her usual tea and drank it with a slight expression of disgust. Fenris watched her and realized he’d seen her do this before.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, why have that tea if you find it so bad? You are making a face when you drink it.” One of Fenris’ eyebrows raised in humorous curiosity.

“It’s… don’t you know?” Hawke asked in surprise. She blushed, which surprised Fenris in turn.

“Know what?” he asked.

“It’s tea made from dried blood lotus. It’s a… preventive.” Her blush spread to her neck.

“Hawke, I’m not a herbalist. Preventive against what?”

“I take it to stop my monthly bleeding. Half of the population in Thedas uses it. I thought it was common knowledge.”

It was Fenris’ turn to gain color.

_Maker, he really didn’t know!_

“And what would happen if you didn’t take it?”

Hawke hesitated.

“Then we would have to be a lot more careful”.

Fenris watched her for a few moments, both slightly flushed. She tried to read his thoughts, but failed.

“Is it safe?”

“It has no side effects, except for tasting foully… if you mean if it’s fully effective, then, no; not entirely. But it’s the best method we’ve got as far as I know, .”

“Hawke.” Fenris stood up now. “We shouldn’t risk such a thing. We’re in the middle of war. What if you… and then if something would happen to you?”

Mixed emotions stirred in her; disappointment in the suggestion they should stop sleeping with each other, and warmth from his concern for her.

“That’s why I drink the tea. And there are spells, should it happen… Anders used them in his clinic. Women would come to him all the time and ask for it. I don’t know them myself, but…”

Fenris interrupted her, eyebrows knitted, his voice hard. “You would use magic to kill our child?”

“Fenris, no, that’s not what I’m saying!" she blurted, "this is hypothetical, I don’t know what I would do should it happen…”  Her eyes widened at his words.

Our child.

He sat down again, his green eyes fixed on the floor. She resisted the urge to sit beside him, to place a hand on his shoulder.

“Fenris, please tell me what you’re thinking.”

He seemed to hesitate, to weigh his words.

“After we killed Danarius, I thought about what kind of life I could lead as a truly free man. What would I do? Work as a mercenary? Everything seemed so open."

Their eyes met.

"As long as I can remember, someone has always dictated my life. Controlled it. To control my own life - it was like being the captain of a ship without sails.”

A smile played in the corners of his mouth. “Then you, to my utter surprise, told me you still cared. After I finally dared to speak to you about us again, I stopped thinking about what to do with my life. I had found purpose. But speaking of this, tonight, made me realize something.” Fenris’ elbows rested on his thighs. She couldn't decipher his facial expression.

“Whatever I could be, ‘father’ never crossed my mind.”

Hawke sat rooted to her chair, heart pounding. Fenris continued.

“As a slave, you never dream of starting a family. It would be absurd - like a dog giving birth to birds. Now I, realize I still can’t envisage such a thing, even though I am no longer a slave.” Fenris' moonlight hair fell over his eyes.

Hawke scarcely dared to breathe.

“Fenris, are you saying it is something you would like? To one day have a family of your own?”

He lifted his head, his eyes fixating her.

“I’m saying, one day maybe we should consider living another life than this; running towards the next mission, always helping others. One day, perhaps we should be the captains of our own lives. And perhaps… a family could be our greatest adventure.”

Her jaw dropped. His words hit her like a stone.

They simultaneously raised to their feet, hastily closing the distance to each other. Their armor clanked as they embraced. The salt of her tears entered their mouths as they kissed.

 

Hawke had spent the last few years witnessing members of her family die, all except one. She was grateful Carver still lived; that she had taken their mother’s advice and left him at home as she ventured in to the Deep roads. Although it hurt her to see him leave for the templars, she was proud of him for becoming a man, away from her shadow.

She knew now why she'd felt a strange form of peace ever since she and Fenris left Kirkwall. She thought of him as family.

‘Family’ was no longer something fading from her, but had the potential of growing.

She hadn't dared to dream of children either. Now, knowing there was a possibility… She didn't cry when Bethany died. Neither when her mother died by the hands of the blood mage. She was too consumed by guilt, by responsibility for those left. Now, she couldn’t stop her tears. She finally broke their kiss.

“Having a family with you would be my greatest achievement. Nothing could make me happier. But…”

He tried to capture her gaze, frowning.

“Marian…”

Her insides turned into liquid warmth whenever he uttered her first name. But she couldn’t help but express her fears.

“I’m an apostate. We will always have to be on the run. Our child would be of mixed blood, and could be born a mage itself. He or she would be a pariah.”

She shook her head, breaking her own heart with her words. Her hands slid down his arms.

“What life would that be for a child?” she wiped at her wet cheek with the backside of her hand.

“Marian.” Fenris breath was hot against her face. “The world is changing. We don’t know how it will turn out.”

He held her gaze, and there was a fire in his eyes.

“Venhedis,” he growled, and embraced her again. “We’ll find somewhere we can build the life we both want without the shackles of the world weighing us down.”

 

 _That’s it_ , she thought as she buried her face in his neck, _I have to meet the Inquisition alone. To finish the business with Corypheus without Fenris. I am not taking the risk of losing him now_.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I still can't figure out what Hawke must have said to convince Fenris to stay behind as she left for Skyhold. Did she lie to him? Did they fight? Somehow, I find it unlikely that Fenris would accept any kind of plea that she feared he would die if he accompanied her.
> 
> What do you think?


End file.
